Fifty for Fifi

Fi and I had a shared play list on the Grooveshark platform in our long-distance days. We have talked about aspects of our relationship during that time being asynchronous – chats when we were both busy being one such example – and having a shared soundtrack to listen to was one way we managed that distance. As musical people having a shared beat to dance to was important.

I say had, because Grooveshark closed down in 2015. By that time of course we were busy with a baby and I don’t think we even realised immediately it was gone. We can each remember parts of the playlist but I’m not sure we’ve ever recaptured them all.

One song I remember was today’s, The Ship Song by Nick Cave.

Friends of mine at the time this song came out loved Nick’s music but I wasn’t so sure of his sound so I didn’t really know too many of his songs to listen to. I certainly don’t remember this one.

I remember it now. Of the list it speaks to me of a deeper connection we have always had. It talks about a couple fighting, then surrendering to each other.

I met Fi at a time of my life when I was despairing of getting what I saw as honesty and accountability from anyone in close relationships, rightly or wrongly. What I found in her was someone who would be honest even when it served her no good end other than honesty itself. I in turn have learned to be able to offer the same back to her.

The singer of the song invites cataclysmic actions if that’s what it takes for a partner to move forward. That’s how it can be for Fi and I sometimes – the need to feel heard is strong in both of us and it can come forward urgently.

It says, despite all the hardships and differing opinions, there is the opportunity to make a little history. I think we’ve managed to make a little of that so far.